IV 1928 -The Autobiography of Ram Chandra Vol I
The chief purpose of the diary is that an abhyasi may remain attentive to is condition because he has to write about it. When an abhyasi remains attentive to it, his Anubhava or experience develops because concentration is there. Concentration is the Divine instrument for revelation. People are of the opinion that if there is no concentration, meditation is useless. I can emphatically say that a man can never ‘get’ God by concentration, because in concentration you are one-pointed and you are not waiting for anything, while in meditation you wait for something and that is God. Waiting produces a sort of attraction automatically on account of continuous effort.
It develops to such an extent that you can call a soul to you. If the attraction comes to the zenith, the greatest soul cannot refuse to come. Man’s power is not known by man because Godliness is not there. There must be something opposite to it. Therefore we develop Divinity in us to such an extent that the whole system is divinized ultimately. That is, in short, the whole of the senses may return to their original state. In other words, the higher centres take charge of the lower centres and begin to work in them. Not only that, the Divine centres take charge of the higher centres. Now geometrically the lower centres are in the charge of the higher centres, and since the Divine centres are now in charge of the higher centres, the lower centres come in the charge of the Divine centres. And thus Divinity begins to work with all details.
All these things can be easily achieved if somehow we get the Capable Master. A Capable Master is one who can bring about the full transformation of an abhyasi by means of transmission. A Master must himself be merged in the Divine. He is really the Master. Years are saved if we get such a Master. People will say that it is very difficult to get such a Master. But I can say it is equally difficult to get a deserving disciple.
It will not be out of place if I repeat my pet sentence, “The true cry of the aspirant brings the Master to his door”. We have come down, now we are going up, so we arrive at the subtle forces of Nature and to get at them is not easy for the disciple. The Master is definitely needed there. If a man somehow reaches a certain stage of self effort and he is unable to go up, a sort of grossness or according to Ouspenksy, a curvature is formed. My Master had also said this thing before Ouspensky had put it in.
Now the changing conditions I felt at the Feet of my Revere Master are given in my diary since the time I started it. I am taking in brief, mostly avoiding the date on which I felt each condition. A writer says, “If anybody wants to know the spiritual condition he may see well by dreams coming to him. If the thoughts are pious the vision will also be good and one will see the dreams like that”. So piety is necessary everywhere.
For this, our Sahaj Marg system, methods of cleaning are also given and the Master laid stress on it. Dr. K.C. Varadachari, of Tirupati, has said somewhere that the cleaning system is found nowhere except in grains in Jainism. When the heart purifies, a man sees the dream; when the thought comes in contact with the Kantha- Chakra or Pharyngeal Plexus, it is the place of Maya in grosser form. I could know this thing. Once I was sleeping and my mother suddenly woke me up. I found that I was in the Kantha-Chakra he can see dreams in the walking state also. A doctor in America says that the toxins we accumulate during the day are consumed at night by dreams.
When I was in the Heart Region I used to see the saints of Avadhoota character at least three times a week. A man sometimes becomes charmed and influenced by the light he sees, or by the condition he has. He does not like to part with it and remains drowned in that condition. It can happen at any stage of development. If an avadhoota saint transmits, he has to transmit the whole lot, with the result that the abhyasi himself becomes an Avadhoota. But there is no place for Avadhoota-Gati in the Sahaj Marg system, because we proceed to balance everything from the very beginning. Further it is refined unnaturalness, to which the Sahaj Marg system does not give entry.
After ending the travel of the Heart Region I reached the region which is subtle. I used to see the other saints both Grihastha and Virakta producing in me the subtler condition, and this thing continued before I came to my present state.
During my meditation, as I wrote in my diary, I felt a peculiar condition which the following couplet will reveal:
That bending down in prayer wherein the control over one’s head is retained is but a misnomer.
That surrender and submission in limitation of awareness is blasphemy and not surrender.
When you go to the Master for the sake of spiritual training you generally trust that he can be of some use to you. When you have experienced, then faith develops. Submission, at its highest peak, becomes surrender. How to achieve the state of surrender is the general question among the minds of the persons who have realisation as the goal. Surrender means no “I” or, in other words, to wash away the idea of “I”ness. For this the easiest way is that we should feel dependency on god almost all the time with attachment and devotion. If you try for surrender “I” is there, which develops, making is stronger and stronger. In this way instead of trying to jump into the water one jumps into the fire. Now follow extracts from my Spiritual diary:
4th April, 1928:
I sat for meditation in the morning and experienced great peace and tranquillity. Peace used to be experienced and reverted to its original condition. In the state of extreme tranquillity a line of verse struck me:
“How long shall this bud remain Concealed behind this curtain!”
Then there was something, after which I only remembered the last words, “God’s Grace and Mercy will descend.”
5th April, 1928:
There was peace of mind and an almost changeless condition. Dreamt in the night that I visited the holy shrine of Prophet Mohammad in Mecca. There I felt vibration at a point above the Trikuti or Cavernous Plexus and also force of some kind which had its link with the head.
When I used to go to my Master, people used to come to Him for Realisation. Now most of the persons who come to me want only peace. Time has brought such a change. Restlessness is prevailing everywhere. Everybody is hungry for peace. But the difficulty is that nobody knows what peace is. If one who worships God daily is somehow not able to worship one day in the morning, he feels restless; and when he does it, satisfaction is there. People think satisfaction is peace, so they are not peaceful, but only satisfied. Actually restlessness comes from peace or rest which burrows its way to Divinity. Peace is the substance we want and restlessness is the instrument we use. What we gain from restlessness is peace. Restlessness gives you advancement do Divinty.
The state of peace is dormant, while the state of satisfaction is active. Peace at the Ultimate state becomes non-peace-peace, and satisfaction at its Ultimate state becomes gross and heavy. Peace touches the silent aspect of God, while satisfaction touches the active part of God. Activity should be there is you want to come at real peace. Satisfaction is the production of man, whereas peace is the production of God.
6th April, 1928:
In the morning some impact of passion was felt. The rest of the condition remained as it was.
There is nothing so important for a man as passion. Passions have been related in different ways in the scriptures of all religions. The true picture is something else. The first jerk of energy was passion. It was pregnant with all the forces required for creation. It came from the highest intelligence because that was the component factor to give movement to the Will of God. It also came to our share, but its beauty was lost because “I viewed it from different angles. The centre of the highest intelligence and of passion is the same. It cannot be annihilated in any way or by any method, because it excites into action that which is necessary for man. Man cannot enter into the spiritual life unless he is moved with force towards it.
9th April, 1928:
In the evening I was a victim of anger without any cause, the duration of which was about an hour.
Anger and passion are the creation of the Divine. Lobha-covetousness, and Moha-undue attachment, are man’s creation. Nobody can destroy God’s creation, but we can only modify it. Destroy your own creation. When energy descended from nearabout centres, it worked for the creation. There were anti-clockwise movements all over. The result of this movement was that matter was formed. The movement was not less than about three lakhs per second. Had the movement not been so strong, matter would not have been formed. It formed some matter and that is the basis of all creation. There was movement, and also movement in movement, causing different results. There was heavy movement. It caused some force which grew into rage ultimately. All these came into our share. Man is the epitome of the Universe. Since heavy movement was there it became a force of material character. When Will touches its depth, it produces a sort of irritation which one fells when one plays with it. The cause of heaviness is unbalance movement. If balance had not been disturbed there would have been no creation. For every progress, rise and fall are necessary.
11th April, 1928:
At 7 a.m. in the morning, emotion of love was aroused for a few minutes. Rest of the condition remained unchanged throughout the day.
12th April, 1928
I experienced moderate condition at 6 in the morning, but could not absorb myself in meditation. Distracting thoughts remained till 7 in the morning.
14th April, 1928:
Between 4 and 5 in the morning I dreamt that I was dying, and experienced immense peace. A very fine condition persisted throughout the day.
The dying condition starts in all the plexuses when it is stronger than it is felt. It means that the abhyasi has become absorbed in the condition of the centre, losing his own identity.
Immense peace may perhaps be interpreted by the word Jnana. When we pronounce ‘Jnana’, the flow of sound shows that something comes out of the root syllable, stopping at the last syllable. Jna-na. It shows that what is at the root should be at the end. When you are in touch with knowledge of the Absolute, you bring in something as reality, displayed according to its different conditions. So Jnana is not simply knowledge for the purpose of knowing what one is or what one has in it, or what that is. Having is Divine Conditions speaks of True Reality. It is a sort of dance with certain movements produced by its effect. And there are different stages in it which I have discussed in “Towards Infinity”. In short Jnana is not ‘knowing’, but ‘having’. This is the condition when knowledge and action become one. What the Divine displayed in its own realm, we begin to display the same in our realm with His power.
Actually speaking, at its highest point is the state of dissolution where remains nothing but the Divine. He is Absolute in His own cadre and we become Absolute in our own cadre. He is Absolute – He is totally Absolute. Knowledge swims at the surface and the Real works as the base. So “Real” is the only knowledge. So when we have Reality we become aware of it. ‘Real’ gives knowledge when it becomes Reality. The Reality within and without is Jnana.
12th April, 1928:
The emotion of love was kindled for a short while at 9 in the night.
What is love, when I do not know why I love Him and what for? Sometimes in the state of love, emotion follows. Sometimes a man begins to weep and sometimes he feels in the weeping mood. Emotion no doubt is a human weakness, but I may allow it as it happens naturally. It causes no harm but gives a little benefit. Generally, the weeping comes when a man cannot bear it; in other words he is wanting in the capacity to bear.
18th June, 1928:
At 9 in the morning while I was on my way to Court, I felt that the world is a playground of Nature in which everybody is longing for perfection but, having forgotten that, his real self is performing worldly acts. Perfection might have been taken as a subject for debate by saints. But to my mind it is very simple. In that condition man remains almost perfectly balanced, and the mundane world and the brighter world go parallel to each other. He feels no difference between this world and the brighter world. If the spiritual side is perfect, and the worldly imperfect, I would call it crippled perfection. Man must try to become a perfect human being, not God. We have come here not to spoil God’s creation but to retain it in the Divine order.
20th June, 1928:
Condition unchanged except that in the night I experienced my own existence as that of Master.
22nd June, 1928:
I had a dream in the night that I visited a certain place in the company of two of my associates. There we met an Augarh saint, a class of Tantrik Saints, who told me, “You are so much sunk in love of your Guru that you have no care even for your spiritual development. Both the urge and idea towards development are essential.”
5th July, 1928:
I saw an inspired saint in the night in a dream, and seeing him I at once went into meditation of my Master. Upon this he remarked, “You are very clever.” Sometime later I reached another place where a saint was present with the members of his family. I related the dream to him. The saint transmitted to me.
Transmission is the utilization of Divine Force for the transformation of man. Man, as the thinkers say, is a social animal. That means animality is there. He becomes a super-animal, and from super-animality to man, and then from man to man-behind-man. This is the transformation. Tendencies of the mind are changed, and he begins to do everything in proper order. He begins to learn the proper use of the faculties. Mind becomes disciplined and, ultimately, comes to Divine order. Transmission brings about such a result. It is the instrument we use for this end. By transmission Divinity comes peeping in at every stage of development and finally ends in Divinisation.
11th July, 1928:
In the morning there was uneasiness which lasted for half an hour.
Going beyond easiness is uneasiness. A man becomes conscious when similarity or sameness is disturbed. As long as easiness is there, there is no disturbance. The state we acquire by the help of no disturbance. The state we acquire by the help of the meditation causes a repulse. When the outgoing tendencies of the mind come in touch with it or, in other words, when the tendencies touch the field of easiness, its opposite is felt. So we should also try to calm down the outgoing tendencies of the mind. I now give you something about uneasiness. If somehow a man can begin to feel easiness in uneasiness then it will not give place to the outgoing tendencies to enter in it.
17th July, 1928:
In the mid-day dream I saw myself on the chabutra or dais close to my house where some persons were assembled. I was standing and a saint transmitted to me. I narrowly escaped falling down and was saved by the saint. In the second transmission I fell down, but there was artificiality in the fall i.e. I did not fall down on account of the effect of transmission but I did it simply for show. This annoyed the saint. Master was also present there.
22nd-23rd July, 1928:
Just as a wrestler having physical strength considers his whole existence as body, similarly I experience my existence as all soul.
2nd August, 1928:
Dreamt that a holy personality was explaining the topic ‘I am Brahman’ to some body in my presence. Hearing this I felt that my existence and that of Maser is one and this same, i.e. my existence was felt to be that of Master and the voice was coming out from inside. ‘I am’, and this voice continued to be felt as long as I was in sleep and dream; and even after waking I felt the same voice for some time.
4th August, 1928:
I dreamt that a holy personality asked me to sit down and transmitted to me. I woke up, and after this I kept on sitting in meditation for some time.
After years of practice when the meditation grows deeper and the thought begins to start one’s upwards march, one comes to a point where one feels “I am the power myself”. It happens when surat comes in contact with glimpses of the Divine. It loses its own character and gains the Divine one. There one starts to feel “I am Brahman”. I give the meaning of surat in this way. When thought comes in contact with soul, a third thing, a spark, is produced. This is termed surat. It leads to the Highest. Thoughts lag behind. They have no accommodation in the sphere of divinity.
After some time when surat leaps forward, it brings in the Divine character. The self has been effaced, so naturally one goes a little further and every step brings to its lot more of Divinity. So Divinity remains in his thought. Then he begins to feel the greatness, as his mind is also trained to feel it. There he develops to “All from Him (Brahman)”. A step back reveals to him a part of the nature of God. “All is Brahman”. This is the effect midway between charging reality and going beyond. One feels that “All is from God.”
When all these stages are over an abhyasi begins to feel himself as above all that has been said above. Thus the real character of Brahman and of himself dawns. Going beyond, every thing is silent, and silence itself becomes silent.
Revered Guide of both the worlds.
May you live long!
After due salutations, I beg to submit that every thing is well here. I have a strong hope that your kindness will some day enable the boat of this humble and helpless creature to cross the ocean of life.
Now I am writing my own condition to you holy self. I had sent my diary from Lucknow to your Holy Self in which it was mentioned that I had a dream, and that the idea of ‘I’ness has begun to disappear from the heart. After return from the journey, the state of ‘All is Brahman’ overtook me. After that the idea of complete surrender and submission persisted throughout. Everything was left under the will of the Master. This state disappeared after some days. Now these days, I am experiencing great fearlessness in my heart, but it is mixed with rashness.
Fear is the production of the lower mind, and love the product of higher mind. Fear is also a mental fallacy. When love awakens, fear disappears. A stage comes to the spiritual aspirant where he fears for no cause. That means he is growing up to a state where the state of lower mind begins to bid farewell. When the lamp is extinguished, moths do not fall on it. When the seed is fried, there are no more chances for it to germinate. When the sun of spirituality shines it brings glory to the world, which only Ultimate consciousness can weave. And I am preparing men for this task. I have a strong hope that the people will reap the benefit of my work.
I had a dream on 9th October 1928 that I was going to the court, and on the way I met a saint who started transmitting to me. That transmission was like the current of a flooded river. But I sank myself in the thought of my Master. After some time the saint stopped transmitting to me. I told him that his transmission was nothing, and thought to myself that if he ever experienced a transmission of my Master, he would have then known about it. The saint remarked, “Go away. I left you off easily”. At that time the condition was uncontrollable. Hence the desire for an Ekka (conveyance) rose in me, so that I could reach the court. I noticed that two carts full of night soil passed before me. I said that I would not go on them. I woke up after this and saw that a great soul was standing on the left side of my cot, casting his shadow on me. His face and body were extremely bright and were shining luminously. I was a bit frightened since I was awakened from sleep suddenly. That image vanished. Due to the effect of the dream I felt reeling sensations in my mind for two days, and my state was like that of a deaf mute. After this I had another dream in the same month of October that I was resting on a cot and my Master sat down on the cot towards the side of my feet. I moved my feet aside. He questioned as to why I had shifted my feet. I submitted that I did so simply to make room for him. In the meantime, another saint also arrived. And both the great personalities began talking to each other saying that the condition of Ram Chandra was good.
The then present condition was that I felt I was all Reality. This state continued for two days. Later on it so changed that all awareness of my own existence was no more. There is neither any thought of this world nor of the other world – neither is there any feeling of affection nor any sense of animosity. Previously I felt my existence as that of Master, but now the existence of the Master too is not felt. The idea of Guru too is unfortunately lost. At times now I cannot meditate on my Master even if I try to. There is neither peace nor tranquillity.
I am rid of absurd emotions. Neither is there distraction in the mind nor single-pointedness. Neither any longing for union nor for separation. The thought seems to have dissolved in itself. Neither is there any worry, nor any sorrow, nor happiness nor ecstasy. I fail to understand how to name this condition. Nevertheless I do feel a pinch inside after much deep thinking.
Oh! Pang of Heart, at least thou tallest me the reality. I do not understand what this puzzle is.
Deaf and dumb state: Playing within yourself in your own character; Touching your own corner; Being absent to your senses. This is the stage which a man arrives a when he crosses his own boundaries. This is not a permanent state. That is far higher than this. It is called changeless condition. It comes during the march of freedom. This is the end of all the activities.
Revered Guide of both the worlds.
May you live long!
With due respect, I submit that I have been writing my diary regularly. I feel that there is some divine force within me from head to foot, which is active and doing work. Intellect seems to be a bit sharpened. On meditation, the minutest condition within becomes know, but I negate every condition and show indifference to them, and restrain my mind from going towards them. Various spiritual and philosophical points arise of their own accord, or on mere contemplation, but I do not feel inclined towards them instinctively.
24th to 27th December, 1928:
Much animation prevailed. Dreamt on 27th that I was sprinkling some scent on fire in the name of my revered Master. A Pandit (priest) was sitting to my left, and I was weeping in an intense emotion of love. Thereafter I reached the place of my Master and he himself related to me the entire dream. Then the Master, coming into the state of divine ecstasy, gave me a push with his chest, pushing the middle portion of my chest. I began feeling pain. Another saint, present at that time, remarked that what was done to me might develop some trouble. I experienced emotion of love in the morning and this state continued for many days.
28th to 31st December, 1928:
Emotion of love flared up from up from time to time and I longed to reach the Master.